Must rethink alot of things as a producer, artist, and person.

Here are some DEAR DEAR friends of mine.  Shango Dely and his mother Leonor Dely performing in Colombia.  A little impromptu on specialized drums.  Shango is the one in the white shirt and longer hair and that is her mom singing.  I miss my Madrid Family so much, which is where Shango is currently based with his wife, who is also another beautiful spirit.  Need to go back, hopefully within the year.

Please check them out when you can.

Beautiful Beautiful....

Besos,
AVIANA

"just like every day is a new day to start over...every moment is a new moment...don't wait for the next sunrise to realize your dreams or to make a change...do it the next time you breathe in another breath...and breathe out"....

Love and Air,
AVIANA.  :)

It's been almost 1 week since the disaster in Japan.  The shock hit me when the photos were released and the reports that thousands were missing.  It hit me more when a friend posted a link on my facebook page on google finder, for those who were looking for missing loved ones in Japan.  Then it hit me...Haiti. 

This is the same as Haiti.  Yes many can argue that Japan is richer and can recover....and thus is different.  Yes, Japan is richer....and Haiti is poorer....3rd world country at that. However.....the pain is the same. 

When I saw reports of people putting notices on missing loved ones it brought me back to when my family went missing Haiti...in particular my father.  Many cousins of mine were injured, killed, left homeless and still are.  My father was eventually found alive and well.  However, I went back to a note/letter I wrote to all the people who helped me when I was dealing with the catastrophe of Haiti, in particular dealing with the trauma that my father was missing.

Here is the long letter I wrote.  Although it is 1 year after, reading this note and still knowing that Haiti is still suffering now.....the tears come forth.  Please remember Haiti...please do all you can to help Japan.  For we are all one.  Whether we like it or not we are the same and the forces are physically bringing us closer.  The Japan earthquake shifted the Earth's balance!  The earthquake physically moved Japan 13 feet closer to the United States. 

We are one...we are here to help and care for each other.  Remember our spirit.  Japan we are here for you.

My note below:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Original Post: January 25, 2010 at 12:55am

I wrote this for a friend of mine....and thought it was my duty to share this with the people who reached out to me in some way or another the past couple of weeks. I tried to tag as many as I could fo those who reached out to me...but Facebook has a limit so please don't feel slighted if you're not tagged...facebook has limits. You know if you contacted me the past couple of weeks and offered your support, offered food for the moments I didn't eat, a pillow to cry, an ear to listen...you know who you are...thank you.

To think with all i write here....the most personal i choose not to reveal....but here it is...

My thoughts are dominated by anything regarding the spiritual. It ranges from, my role in human kind, questioning whether my actions help strengthen the positive side of the universal law of cause and effect and more... However, there have been a few times where I've questioned the point of spirituality.....what is God's plan...does God trully exist...is there a cruel joke out there?? The few times include, the early death of my younger brother David, my time in Madrid early last year, and now....HAITI.

I was notified about Haiti's earthquake 1 hour after it happened. My mother called me on my cell phone at the office. She stated that there was a massive 7.3 earthquake in Port-au-Prince. Everything had crumbled, thousands dead. Then....she followed with this...."....your father is there."

I quietly walked to my desk. My coworkers buzzed around talking about whatever. My eyes were glazed over. A numbing feeling hit me. I quietly moved things around my desk. My desk is already neat. I moved the pen from it's set spot on top of my keyboard and put it back. almost like all of a sudden I developed Obsessive Compulsive disorder. I piled the books and papers on top. But they were already piled neatly. I put my water canteen in my purse and then back out. I put my "Wicked" book in my purse and then back out. All of this quietly, with my eyes glazed over as if I was a robot. My coworker "Siby" who sits to my right all of a sudden took off his headphones and spoke to me quietly in French. "Ça va ?"...meaning "are you okay?"...i answered quietly as if i was a robot...."There was a 7.3 earthquake in Haiti and my Father's there."

Then I quietly walked out of the room and told 2 other coworkers as if I was a robot....and said the exact same thing....and walked to the bathroom and walked back out to the hallway ...in front of the elevators.....and the tears just yanked my soul....right there......

The days passed. By myself....in my apartment....I was in a self-imposed solitary confinement..... quietly and constantly calling the State Department to place my father on the missing list...I could never get through. I put my father on the missing list in the New York Times and CNN. I spent any moment I could, going online to CNN, Yahoo, NY Times, everywhere....looking at all the videos, the pictures looking to see if my father's face would show up....would I be able to recognize him with dust and blood all over his face waiting for help...lying somewhere.....

I walked with my dark sunglasses all day, inside and out to hide the tears that would come randomly at any moment. Thinking to myself...."He's not dead until they tell me." But.....sadly that didn't help...the tears kept coming. Thinking to myself....maybe I should do all the crying now before I get the official news....because the coming chaos from the family will be unbearable and I must be stoic and calm since everything will be focused on/towards me......the good and the overwhelming bad......for I am his daughter. I must cry now.....so that I won't have any tears to shed when my mother hears the news and I must handle her tears, protect her and myself from and deal with the coming chaos from my father's large family whom I don't speak to.

Then thoughts of our sad lack of a relationship we shared came to my head. My thoughts on all the bad from me and him....the last time i saw him in my apt in DC....my last picture of him was on a picture with my Blackberry...the picture had his hands and legs next to my coffee table in front of the thanksgiving dinner i cooked for us....not even his face....

Then I heard the news that a cousin of mine who took care of me 4 months out of the year each year between age 5-14 when I was living in Quebec, Canada was dead.....other family members could not be found....a couple more died.....and yet no word on my father.....

All the pictures and videos showed my parents' country, that was already in shambles, in a state that no one could ever imagine....the people....my people....in more pain than they thought would come to them because they were in pain before.....being the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere....a 3rd world country ...less than a few hundred miles from the richest country in the world...the United States....with vicious laws not to allow the poorest to come in the country to earn a basic income...but allows people from another country less than a couple hundred miles away called Cuba to come in with practically no issues.....

Why would God do this?!!.....Why does Haiti have to bear this?!!....Hasn't it suffered enough?...Why can't you spare Haiti just once?....

The people.....left homeless....legs broken...arms twisted...skulls cracked.....waiting for help at the makeshift hospitals....people lucky enough to get to a doctor and get their legs amputated.... left to recover with aspirin.....under a hot sun in the streets....i repeat....get their legs amputated...with no anesthesia....and left to recover with aspirin in the street.....

My people....my people....my people....i wonder....and many wonder....has God forsaken you?......

A dear friend mine from Hungary, called me....he offered his sympathies....and said....."Finally no one can ignore Haiti." That did not comfort me by any means.....But I understood what he meant...but it offered no comfort to me.

As I watched videos of Haitians praying and singing religious hymns in the streets I kept thinking, "This has got to be a joke. You are singing to God, but is God singing to you?...better yet...is God even listening?"

Actress Garcelle Beauvais, is Haitian, she made a comment questioning Faith...."With a country such as Haiti that has suffered so much already, and this happens.....you have to question Faith" ....There were some who didn't like her comment. But doesn't she have a right to question this?...doesn't it make sense?.....can't you see where she's coming from??

Watching the videos and the reports on the various countries sending their troops to help find victims. Everyone worked detached from each other. There wasn't/isn't a cohesive way to work. Everyone worked individually. Different ways worked better and some did not. A report showed how sophisticated Israel's system was and how it worked almost felt to me like look at how good this is....hmm....maybe this is how we should work in the future....Then it hit me...............and now Haiti is the example on how to treat a situation like this in the future. The countries will have to unite under one system....the new world order....and then it will be a cohesive system....so that when this happens again, somewhere else, the whole world will bring its troupes together and instead of taking weeks to find people.....we'll find everyone in 3 days. Everyone will be taken care of quickly at the hospitals, everyone will speak the same language so we don't have to have translators in these situations....blah, blah, blah, blah.....

Why does Haiti have to be the example? Why? Of all the countries, Haiti?

Yes my anger on Haiti is well heard here. But how is my anger helping? It's not. I donated money. I feel helpless, I want to go to Haiti, and pull the ruble, and hug that person trapped but....money....That's what Haiti needs, along with the $58 million raised at yesterday's telethon. Money is coming in. But what about the relief and the smiles of the people in Haiti?

Saturday morning, I was awakened by a phone call from my cousin and on the phone was my father. Alive and Well. For a brief moment a sigh of release came. Then i thought of my cousins who died, in particular the one who took care of me. How can I be happy? Then a friend of mine, actually 2 said...."Well they are better off, they are in the next world." Who in the world says this?!!!! Note to you!:.....Don't ever say this to anyone who just lost a dear loved one. Seriously, that does not bring any comfort to me at this point. I understand the stance you are coming from but that is the least bit consoling. You know what, maybe I should kill myself and go to the next life because I'll be better off in the next world.

Now you get the point......maybe...

The past 2 weeks, I isolated myself from the many calls, messages i received from people....i chose to not deal....even after i found out ...i kept quiet for 2 days...still in shock and in mourning...i could not deal with people's sigh of relief and happiness that my father was found....i was not in that mind.....to those i told that to and quietly requested them to not say to anyone my father was found..they understood....one person took it personally....and there was a little contention....i didn't want to get wrapped up in something concerning someone else and let them take it personal when it had to deal with me....my internal pain.....CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRAUMATIZED!!!......but....despite this....i smiled, superficially accepted fault at offending them in some way and the quiet horror inside continued and wouldn't leave me...my father was found ...but my cousins were dead and missing....all of Haiti was crying asking WHY?....

When i did finally tell people....their smiles came........in return....my smile and my happy personality made fake happy appearances for the public....but the horror inside raged on....

I've quietly tapped into my Buddhism to help bring the inner peace. I've tapped into my Baha'i readings for the larger peace. Despite tapping into my spirituality......I've felt liked I failed....for am I not a BUDDHIST???!!.....Aren't Buddhists suppose to be calm and happy in all situations??.....But here I am angry, cynical, negative, hurt...........

But I must sing....I must sing like Janette did when she came out from under the ruble after 6 days solely because her husband didn't give up on her....and finally flagged a rescue team from Los Angeles to pull her out. She sang....don't be afraid of death. The video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShKG8MNvydo

But what about the people who are still under the ruble?....and they don't have a husband looking for them....and they are still alive...under the ruble....and the rescue team passes by them.....not knowing they are there....under the ruble....but quietly left to die a most horrible death.....being buried alive....

Yes there are people still alive under the ruble...as was noted today another person was found alive..... because his brother kept looking for him.

I won't be angry or afraid of death, Janette. I hate the life my people, my Haitians and the many more out there in other parts of the world, have to live. But my hate means nothing unless I tap into my inner peace. And keep, in my role on this earth, as a member of this huge family called humankind, keep bringing positive energy with all my actions to help bring unity and peace.

Your inner peace kept you through the ruble for 10 days Janette. Your inner peace called your husband, called the Los Angeles rescue team, and called for God. If you did it, then WHO AM I to not call on God for you, for me, for the Haitians, for the world, for humankind?....Who am I?

Thank you Janette.

Hey all!

It's been not tooooo long since my last post.  I don't know I felt that I should write something.  Not sure what but I'm going to write so here it goes!  :)

I'm trying to figure out the whole picture and video stuff to include in my blog posts.  There's a video at the bottom of the post.  But need to figure out how to put pics "in" my posts.

I'll figure it out at some point.  :)  Oh yeah.  that's me in the picture.  Photo taken by Jack Gordon.

I stated in my previous post that I would start learning from a new belly dance teacher.  Well she's not new...my studies with her are new.  it's been an interesting experience.  It would be too easy to say I suck but no I don't...it is a COMPLETE different style and technique from my previous teacher Suhaila Salimpour.  It saddens me the class is only once a week because I feel that I need a little more class time.  But it is what it is... 

I know I won't ever be a Classical Egyptian Cabaret style dancer.  However, I will incorporate elements of it in my dance.  I've always said that it is important to study the source of each style and dance to make you a better rounded dancer especially if you do fusion.....which is what I do.    I don't believe in trying to copy movements here and there from videos or from taking 1 or 2 classes and then fusing it in your work.  I'm a firm believer and a practitioner in studying the root style/technique extensively before fusing styles.  Walk the Talk.   I'm not saying to become a master...well that would be ideal..but that arguably takes a lifetime to become a master....and when I'm 80 years old....I don't think my body will be able to do what it use to do....now i can't do the things I was able to do when i was 18!  :)

I believe in" understanding" where each art form comes from.  I started my studies in Flamenco and Bellydance at the exact same time about 4-5 years ago.  At that time I did not see the relationship between Bellydance and Middle Eastern music in general with Flamenco.  (btw, once you trully deepen your studies you realize that Flamenco is directly related to Bellydance and the Arab world...but another discussion.)   Flamenco and Bellydance both called for my spirit at the exact same time and now knowing the history of both...I see why I was drawn to both at the same time.

I started Flamenco dance technique from an amazing teacher, Genoveva, who was my first and only teacher until a couple of weeks ago when I added a new flamenco teacher, Anna Menendez to my studies.  I studied extensively under Genoveva for about 3 years and realized I needed to further my studies to understand the beautiful beast that is Flamenco...and not just through baile/ dance...but the music.  :) 

The rhythms of Flamenco are very intricate...The melody musicality on another level.  Thus I began my studies in Flamenco music and theory with Marija Temo.  I've been with Marija for almost 3 years now.  Then I went to Madrid last year to study intensively the dance/baile and cante at the world famous Flamenco dance school--the mecca of Flamenco dance studies, Amor De Dios.

My belly dance studies began with Marta Vizueta who introduced me to American Tribal Style, and Suhaila and Jamila Salimpour.  I finally branched out and started my studies in Classical Egyptian Oriental style with Yasmin. I comb through youtube to learn of other styles in Belly dance and different dancers.  There are many dancers that inspire me and and I am drawn to...another blog post.  :)

I am gearing up to start learning from another respected Belly dance instructor but through Skype...yes Skype...they don't live here but that is becoming the norm....now especially with master teachers who are teaching via skype and I will begin studying with 2 more other notable belly dancers in the DC area in the next couple of months.  MONEY!!!

This does not include the fact that I've studied Jazz dance technique, Hip Hop, ballet, and more for years and danced professionally in those areas.  And my cultural background comes into play.

Anyhow what i'm trying to say is that it is IMPORTANT to study the roots of the dances if you will fuse.  I did not go into any of my studies thinking I would fuse my dances.  Never did it ever cross my mind actually.  but once I started to dance, I realized that I naturally fused different elements without thinking about it.  I believe it may be from my cultural background which I'll talk about in about 2 paragrahs..  :)  and my stint as a dancer in NYC and LA.  Jazz and Hiphop are fused constantly along with other styles.  So it is very common to learn from teachers where those elements are combined...actually it's the norm but arguably that is due to the teachers being cross trained and the industry requiring that to stay alive as a working dancer.

It wasn't until another artist pointed out to me what I do in my search in each art form I study.  They stated that i take a wholelistic approach by trying to understand the philosophy, the background, the theory, the spirit......That is what I naturally do.  (SEE sometimes it's good to hear what people say about you....  :)    Again, i don't go in a new artform and intentionally think that I must study music, the history, the dance etc.  it's just natural to me to want to do that.  and i do that with many aspects of my life.....

My dance/music is a reflection of who I am.  I mix styles due to my extensive exposure to each.  In addition, my parents are immigrants.  I was born and raised in New York City.  I grew up fusing the different cultures of my parents and the "American" culture in everything I did...something that many "first generations" understand....always playing the balancing act culturally.  I grew up playing classical piano and violin for years, listened to pop/rock/hip hop on the radio, dancing to jamaican Dancehall and Soca,  listened to my mom's records by ABBA, Miriam Makeba, Julio Iglesias, Mireille Matthieu,  my dad's Haitian music in particular Skah Shah...the legendary Haitian music group my father founded and produced for many years....(I remember as  a little girl sleeping in the recording studio as they rehearsed and recorded), and listened along side to various Merengue from the Dominican Republic (where  part of my mother's family is from), Vallenato from Colombia and other latin artists such as Tito Puente and the amazing Gloriz Estefan!  So fusing is just something that is ingrained in me.  Honestly, I find it DIFFICULT to do a piece focused on 1 style.

Fusing is great but i would like to emphasize to please understand what you are fusing.  Give each artform its integrity....give your spirit its integrity.  Fusing will become the norm as the world is becoming smaller and smaller and people are exposed to other cultures.   However, I don't believe in fusing simply you think it's cool.  If you do not naturally fuse there is nothing wrong with that and vice versa.  Being true to yourself and identity is the key and most important thing. Because when you perform...you are showcasing your spirit......or you should be....  :)

Needless to say I can't wait till next year when i step out as a performer...well i have before,  just that now i'm going full force. :)

Go to my facebook page to keep up with me, my antics, my inspirations on a daily basis  :)

Top Photo by www.jackontheroad.com
Post Process by Lucienne Francois

P.S. here's Chris Brown with his new song and video.....I'm rooting for you Chris...  :)